WEAPON OF CHOICE (or Dean and the Expired Cold Medication)
by Secretwrittenword
Summary: Sick and stoned out of his mind, Dean still manages to save the day. This is an *Amyverse* fic.


**WEAPON OF CHOICE or DEAN AND THE EXPIRED COLD MEDICATION or HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREA!**

_This is another Amy fic, written especially for Vrskaandrea's birthday because she ships Amy and Dean...HARD!_

**_Even sick and stoned out of his mind, Dean still saves the day!_**

P.S. I don't own Sam or Dean. They belong to the CW, I just borrow them to play.

Sam didn't even get to knock. He had just raised his fist when the door flew open revealing an excited Amy.

"Hi! Hi! You're here!" She said. "Come in!"

She stepped back to allow Sam and Dean to enter her home. Once inside she hugged Sam tightly.

"I'm so glad your here!"

Sam chuckled and hugged her back.

"Hi Amy. Good to see you too."

"Hi Dean!" She said as she threw her arms around him.

"Hi Ames." Dean replied using his nickname for her. He hugged her tightly then stepped back. He put his hands on her shoulders and held her at arms length, scrutinising her.

"You've lost weight." He said. It was a statement, not a question.

"Sixteen pounds. What do you think?" She held her arms out.

"I think you look great." Sam said smiling at the shorter woman.

"I don't like it." Dean stated.

Amys face fell and Sam looked at his brother in shock.

"Dean you can't say that! I think she looks amazing." It was Deans turn to look at Sam offended. "I mean...not that you didn't look amazing before. You just look happier now, healthier..." Sam stammered to Amy.

"Thank you Sam." Amy smiled smugly at Dean.

"I don't care. You didn't need to lose any weight. You've lost all your Amy-ness! This is wrong, put it back on!" Dean said as he picked up his bag and headed to his room.

"I'm sorry about Dean. He's just a bit cranky right now. I think he's getting sick." Sam said, trying to defend his stupid brother.

"No I'm not Sam!" Dean yelled back then sneezed, twice.

Even though Amy's cat has been gone for the better part of a year, Dean still claimed the smaller of the two guest rooms. He considered it his and was happy to shut himself into its sanctuary. He dumped his duffle on the bed.

"Stupid Sammy, thinking I'm sick!" Dean muttered to himself then turned his head into the crook of his elbow to stifle a cough.

He rummaged through his duffle finally finding the item he was searching for. Pulling a faded, tattered and torn economy size box of cold and flu tablets from his bag he squinted as he tried to read the expiry date.

"Use before 21...October...two thousand...10? 19?"

Due to the worn nature of the box he was unable to read the last two digits. Shrugging he popped two tablets out dry swallowing them. He then popped out another and swallowed that one as well, reasoning that if they were out of date the active ingredient would have lost its potency and will need a boost.

Yawning he sat on the bed. If he _was_ feeling tired it was because it had been a long drive to Amy's and _not_ because he was sick, like stupid Sam thought. He kicked off his boots the lay back, falling asleep in three seconds flat.

Sam and Amy watched Dean storm off down the hall.

"He really doesn't mean what he said." Sam said.

"That's okay. 'My self worth is not tied up in what others think of me, but what I think of myself.'" Amy said.

"Have you been reading self help books?" Sam asked.

"No just inspirational memes on Facebook."

Sam laughed.

"Okay, well I'm going to drop this in my room and check on Dean." Sam said picking up his duffle.

"Cool. I'm gonna make a coffee. You want one?" Amy asked.

"Sounds good, thanks."

Sam dropped his bag inside his room then crossed the small hall to Deans room. He knocked quietly on the door.

"Dean?" He called as he opened the door and looked inside.

He found Dean laying on the bed, snoring softly so he quietly back out of the room and went back to the kitchen to find Amy.

"He's asleep. I told him he was getting sick." Sam said shaking his head.

Sam accepted his coffee from Amy and they sat down to enjoy a couple of hours of quiet conversation.

Dean woke a few hours later, coughing.

"Stubid cold." He muttered.

He could hear quiet conversation filtering down from the kitchen and decided he had better go join his brother and friend. Grabbing up the packet of tablets he took two more then headed down to join the others.

"Hey Dean, how are you feeling?" Amy asked as he sat at the table.

"Fine." Dean answered through a nose that felt full of cotton wool.

He placed his elbow on the table then leaned his, suddenly too heavy, head in his hand, sniffing. Whatever he had had hit him hard and fast. Sam and Amy were worried about Deans glazed eyes and flushed colour.

"You sure?" Sam asked, looking closely at his brother with concern.

Dean didn't answer. He was staring intently at Amy's kitchen counter.

"Dean?" Amy waved her hand in front of his face but all she got was a chesty cough in return.

"Okay, that's it! I'm going down to the supermarket and getting you some stuff for this cold." Amy stated.

She stood and walked to the counter.

"Where are my car keys?" She asked checking the bowl she usually keeps them in.

"Dey're behind da googie jar." Dean said through his severely blocked nose.

Amy frowned as she moved the blue ceramic Cookie monster.

"How did they get here?" She wondered, picking up the set of keys.

"You've dot gremblins." Dean said, coughing again.

"Gremblins?" Sam asked.

"Doh! Dot Gremb-blins! Gremb-lins"

"Gremlins?" Sam said raising his eyebrows and looking worriedly at Amy.

"Yes." Dean coughed again. "Gremblins, annoying liddle fuggers that move your shid around. Dares one ride dare"

Dean pointed to the partially open window. He frowned when the gremlin flipped him off and jumped out through the opening. Amy and Sam just exchanged worries glances.

"Okay, Dean why don't you go to bed and I'll go get some lemons and honey and chicken soup and stuff." Amy suggested.

When they both looked back at Dean he was fast asleep at the table.

Amy left and Sam tried to gently wake Dean to take him back to bed.

"Come on Dean, time to wake up."

"Bud I wanna be a fireman daddy..." Dean mumbled as he turned his head and rested it back on his folded arms.

Sams heart clenched at the admission. He knew Dean had given up a lot in this shitty life they had and suddenly Sam was angry at their father for a whole new reason.

"I know you do, but you gotta go to bed now." Sam said softly.

"Don' wanna."

"Sammy needs you too." Sam said pulling out the big guns.

"'Kay, for Sammy."

Dean slowly blinked his eyes open and tried to stand, Sam quickly got his hands under Deans arms and helped him. They made slow progress down the hall and Sam managed to pull the blankets back before he face planted on the bed.

Dean woke a few hours later, hiding his face in his pillow as he hacked his lungs out. Groaning as he rubbed his chest he rolled over and slowly sat up. He sat for a moment to let the temporary dizziness pass before he patted his hand across the bedside table. Finding the box of medication he popped out a few and swallowed them down with the glass of water that had miraculously appeared, probably thanks to Sammy. When he was sure he would be able to stand and not pass out, Dean made his way down the small hall and across the living room to use the bathroom. As he was passing the kitchen on the way back he heard a small jingle sound.

Stepping into the kitchen he saw the gremlin was again trying to make off with Amy's car keys.

"Hey!" Dean croaked out.

The little monster stopped dragging the keys across the counter and looked up at Dean. It hissed at him and started to move toward the window again.

"Oh, doh you dond, you liddle fugger! Gibme dem!" He lunged at the creature and wrapped one hand around its mid section while trying to pull the keys from its grip with his other one.

"Fug! You're a strong liddle shid aren't you!" He said as he played tug-o-war with the miniature monster. Suddenly it opened its mouth revealing rows of tiny razor sharp teeth and bit down on Deans hand.

"Fugging fug! You fugger! You're gonna ged it dow!"

He shook the little beast as furious as his sick body would allow him but it remained latched onto his hand and tightly gripping the keys.

Dean scanned the kitchen for a weapon and spotted the microwave. He carried the gremlin across to it and opened the door. He tried again to shake the creature loose but only succeeded in causing small gashes to open and his blood to flow. He spun quickly and smacked the gremlins head against the edge of the counter. Dazed it released its grip on Deans hand and he was able to throw it in the machine before slamming the door shut. He pressed the 60 second button a few times and then leaned against the door.

"Dean? What are you doing?" Sam asked looking at his brother. He noticed that his hand was dripping blood. "What happened?"

The gremlin had quickly recovered from its confused state and started to throw its self at the door, bumping Dean forward just a tiny bit. Who knew those little fuckers were so strong?

"Gremblin." Was all Dean said as he was jostled forward again.

"What's going on?" Amy asked as she stumbled into the kitchen.

From behind Dean there was a high pitch squeal followed by a loud popping sound as thick black foul smelling smoke escaped from the microwave. Dean turned and pressed stop.

"Gremblin." He said again as he started to walk away.

He suddenly stopped and turned back to the counter. Picking up a fork that was in the drainer, he opened the door and poked around in the 'ick' and retrieved Amy's keys. He turned and held them out to Amy.

"Dold you you had gremblins." He said. "Little shid was tryin' to deal your gar."

Amy reached out and delicately took the fork.

"Umm, thank you?"

Dean just sniffed and smiled then walked out of the room, patting Sam on the shoulder as he passed. Sam and Amy watched him go before turning back to the microwave. They leaned down and looked inside. It seemed that, once exploded, gremlins weren't as invisible to the naked eye and this one covered the inside of Amy's microwave. A thick glob of black and green slid from the machine and landed with a splat on the floor.

"Eww!" Sam and Amy said in unison.

**_HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREA!_**

_A/N it was kinda fun writing Dean with a cold. The difficult part was trying to get the enunciation of the words right, fortunately I also have a head cold so I just had to say all his dialogue out loud!_


End file.
